Welcome to The Educating Parent Beverley Paine's archive of articles about homeschooling and unschooling written over a period of 30 plus years

HomeAbout Blog Articles Curriculum Resource Directory Shop Facebook

Download our FREE The Educating Parent Resource Directories today! Plus... more FREE resources!

Free download a quick guide to getting started with homeschooling and unschooling by Beverley Paine The Educating Parent in this excellent Resource Directory

 

Free directory of Australian homeschooling and unschooling support groups organised by national, state and territories

 
Plan, record and report all in the one document! Always Learning Books planners available in each year level to suit your homeschooling needs, includes curriculum checklists
Let Beverley and friends help you design and write your own curriculum to suit your child's individual learning needs, learn how to prepare lessons, unit studies and more, record and evaluate your children's learning in this series of 3 parent workbooks developed on Beverley's popular homeschool manual Getting Started with Home School Practical Considerations
this Always Learning Year 7 Plan is everything you need to get started a comprehensive collection of curriculum aligned resources and links to activities, lesson plans and unit studies for your year 7 homeschooling student
Introduction to
Home Education
  National and State
Support Groups
  Yearly Planner, Diary & Report Series of How To
Parent Workbooks
Homeschool Learning Plans

Support Groups: National SA VIC NSW QLD TAS ACT NT
Registration Guides: VIC NSW QLD SA WA TAS ACT NT

Looking for support, reassurance and information?
Join Beverley's The Educating Parents Homeschooling and Unschooling Facebook online group.

 

What is Adult Privilege? Boundaries, Manipulation, Coercion and Respect for Children

by Beverley Paine, Oct 2014

Paquita brought an article called 'Unintentional Child Abuse and Adult Privilege' to my attention on my The Educating Parent Facebook page and invited me to share my thoughts... Here they are!

Adult privilege as described in the article is something that I am frequently thinking about lately. Perhaps because it was hard for me to let go of childhood, reluctant in my early teens to embrace adult responsibility, that I retain a sense of connection to my childhood self. Regardless of the reason why, I'm happy I can relate to the childhood perspective fairly easily. Definitely makes writing children's stories easier!

I disagree with the author's statement that children "make poor decisions frequently" - this comment is clearly made from an adult privilege stance. I'm sure the children don't think their decisions are poor or inadequate or even inappropriate: they work diligently to think things through and problem solve just as much and as hard as adults. They use what they know and what they have experienced and learned to help them but because all of this is limited it sometimes doesn't work out for everyone involved, even if it does for them. And sometimes the outcomes are exactly what children aim for, it's just that the adults don't value that result or the effort involved! When children's needs, aims and outcomes line up with adults needs, aims and outcomes we cheer and praise - it's when they don't we call the decisions "poor" ones.

Children are an inconvenience to adults as well as a blessing. That's okay. Once upon a time they weren't shut out of the world of adult activity and they learned to move around us, observing and learning and doing their best not to get underfoot or in the way. This is how they learned the essential skills needed to become independent as well as participating members of the community.

Yes, we must recognise and honour the fact that children are children and allow them space to develop and grow in a way that suits their individual natures and needs. Sadly too many adults see children simply as apprentice adults, in too much of a rush to 'grow them up' for various reasons. Sometimes it's because it's more convenient. Sometimes because we don't want to spend time meeting their needs, too preoccupied with our own, and sometimes it's because we really don't like children and prefer the company of adults (probably because throughout our schooling we hung out with same-age peers and were encouraged not to play with younger siblings or friends...)

Regarding a lack of respect, this is something that occurs across all age groups - people aren't at all well socialised and I blame the experience of school. Most adults confuse politeness with respect. The children I tend to meet and get to know are awesomely respectful, especially if I act that way around them. They seem keen to interact positively with me, responding in the same way as many adults do to a friendly smile and respectful tone...

Children who act out or are disrespectful have lost trust in adults and perhaps themselves. This can happen really early in life.

It's true that adults don't regard children as people and often say things that are incredibly disrespectful without thinking through how a child will process that information or commentary. I'm guilty of that and still finding myself doing it even though I know it's disrespectful: every so often I become mindful and resolve, yet again, to work harder on changing this habit.

Regarding sharing things - if it's mine, as in I own it, it's up to me if I want to share it. Just because a child is a child doesn't change that. But that's because it's mine, not because I am an adult. There are some 'adult' things I would not want to share with a child because I judge them to be developmentally inappropriate. That's my call too: other adults will have different values and standards. As a parent I work to protect my children according to my values and standards.

Regarding making children eat food they hate... first thought - why do they feel so intensely about this food? If a child is allowed to try food and give it a go every so often (taste buds and preferences change over time) without fuss and has access to a range of foods such intense emotion need not arise... I stop hanging out with people that insist I do things I don't want to do or can't do... I'd expect my children to do the same. And if it is me that's forcing them? I'd hope they'd let me know I'm being disrespectful and endangering the relationship...

Expecting children to do anything that is above or below their developmental stage or ability is a recipe for disappointment, conflict or potential disaster! If we want a relationship with anyone we need to get to know them, work out what they can do and know, how they learn, what their special skills are, where they are at in their development and respect that and work within that framework. That's how we operate as people and it works to build cooperative and constructive relationships that are mutually beneficial.

Naturally as parents we're learners too, we've not parented before and our personal experiences of being parented probably weren't ones that were respectful of children as people. There is a lot of entrenched conditioning that needs to be examined, questioned and undone. We need to forgive ourselves of our mistakes and slip ups and less than perfect parenting...

We don't have to put up with (tolerate) children's 'shenaningans' just because we brought them into the world... If we treat them like people - respect them as people - we won't consider their actions and responses as 'shenanigans' but as an expression of need. If we want to build a relationship with this person we'll create the time and space to work to understand the need driving the expression... That's not easy and most of the time we really couldn't be bothered, even with our own children. We're too busy living our own lives. And we don't want to interrupt our own lives too much to meet the needs of others or help them learn how to meet them.

Ridding our lives of the urge to manipulate others for our own convenience or gain takes a fair degree of mindfulness and awareness - cultivating this is an essential aspect of our own continuing development.

I'm not sure that being an adult affords one privilege in the way the author seems to be indicating. We're all people. Some of us are simply young, some older. We're all learners.

Respect can be lost and it can be earned. Most of us are fairly neutral to begin with and respond to the environment: if we are treated with respect we respond with respect. If we're injured, however, our senses or judgment might be warped: we might be disrespectful in the moment because we're stuck in the past, reacting to that instead of the current situation. That's when trust becomes very helpful. Trusting that a person is capable of learning and growing... having empathy and being sympathetic instead of judgmental.

It's not just children that "need guidance when it comes to living harmoniously with siblings, parents, and the wider community" - everyone does. We need to work together to continuously raise awareness of the need and the ways in which this can be achieved that meets both individual needs and the needs of the community.

Boundaries is an interesting term that is, I think, given the topic of the article, another express of adult privilege. I'd hate another adult to feel the need to impose boundaries on me, though I live in a society of rules and regulations. I accept those rules and regulations and abide by them because they make sense to me: children do the same. Instead of imposing boundaries on children for whatever reason makes sense to us, let's help children work out what makes sense to them, and with luck they'll agree with our views and values. If not, there's a good chance our views and values will be challenged and perhaps change, maybe even resulting in amended rules and regulations...

Was this article helpful? Was it worth $1.00 to you? Your gift of $1 or more helps to keep this site operating offering encouragement and reassurance to families wanting better outcomes for their children.

Thank you for your gift contribution!

Beverley Paine with her children, and their home educated children, relaxing at home.

Together with the support of my family, my aim is to help parents educate their children in stress-free, nurturing environments. In addition to building and maintaing this website, I continue to create and manage local and national home educating networks, help to organise conferences and camps, as well as write for, edit and produce newsletters, resource directories and magazines. I am an active supporter of national, state, regional and local home education groups.

"You've been an inspiration to me, I love the way
you really listen to people."
Vanessa

"Whenever I read your writing I always come away
with increased confidence in my ability to provide and
share a wonderful learning journey with my family!"
Davina

"Your guidance, understanding, support and words of
wisdom changed our lives. We now offer support and
organise many homeschooling events for others."
Lesley

"Thank you once again for your prompt and friendly service.
I am convinced that your books are going to add
quality and peace of mind to my journey of teaching my kids
at home! Just from studying your website, until almost
2am in the morning, I 've been encouraged!"
Louisa

"Thank you for all your many,many reassuring words
over many, many years. You probably don't know exactly how valuable you are to the Australian Home Education community. I've been reading your stuff for maybe 8 years or more now. And I'm very grateful."
Gythaa

image is 3 workbooks for parents set on a background showing bushland, DIY home ed curriculum planning, recording, evaluating, write your own curriculum
Want to learn how to write your own education plans
to suit your unique children's individual learning needs?

Or you are looking for quality curriculum and teaching tips...

Comprehensive 3 workbook 'how to home ed' course
covering the essential skills you need
successfully home educate your children


 

 

Welcome to the World of Home Education
and Learning without School!

We began educating our children in 1985, when our eldest was five. In truth, we had helped them learn what they need to learn since they were born. I am a passionate advocate of allowing children to learn unhindered by unnecessary stress and competition, meeting developmental needs in ways that suit their individual learning styles and preferences. Ours was a homeschooling, unschooling and natural learning family! There are hundreds of articles on this site to help you build confidence as a home educating family. We hope that your home educating adventure is as satisfying as ours was! Beverley Paine

3 ESSENTIAL STEP BY STEP GUIDES

Getting Started with
Home Educating Series of

PARENT WORKBOOKS

#1 Create Your
Own Curriculum

#2 DIY Lesson Plans
& Unit Studies

#3 Recording and Evaluation Made Simple

$10.00 each (includes postage)

let experienced home educators Beverley, Tamara and April walk you through HOW to create a learning plan that builds on solid foundations that works for YOUR family AND ticks all the boxes for home educaton registration with part 1 of this getting started with home educating serioes of parent workbooks, Create Your Own Curriculum!
Let experienced home educators Beverley, Tamara and April walk you through HOW to create a learning plan that builds on solid foundations that works for YOUR family AND ticks all the boxes for home educaton registration!

To see the full range of Beverley Paine's books on homeschooling, unschooling and natural learning visit Always Learning Books

Tap into Beverley's experience
through her books

"Your books, your blogs helped me beyond words... they helped me to find comfort in knowing it is ok to choose exactly what is best for my family." Nisha

"Your books and information are mind blowing and already I am feeling good about this new experience." Diane

"Your guidance, understanding, support & words of wisdom changed our lives." Leslie

"I feel specially inspired by Beverley's words and, the more I read her comments, the more inspired I feel, since my need for support, respect for different parenting styles, and information are fully met." Marijo
purchase Beverley's practical and common sense books on homeschooling and unschooling
Connect with Beverley and ask questions
through her online The Educating Parents Homeschooling and Unschooling Facebook support group
.

click here to become a Fearless Homeschool member giving you access to all past summit workshops as well as exciting new content and webinars, online discussion platform, and more

The information on this website is of a general nature only and is not intended as personal or professional advice. This site merges and incorporates 'Homeschool Australia' and 'Unschool Australia'.

The Educating Parent acknowledges the Traditional Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Owners, the Custodians of Australia, and pay our respects to Elders past and present and extend that respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people viewing this website.

Advertise on this site.

say goodbye to home education registration stress with this ultimate rego bundle from Fearless Homeschool

make homeschooling a lot easier, zero to homeschool's excellent course is here to help

Australia's best home education consultant, let Tamara Kidd guide and help you prepare your home education registration application or review

Twinkl downloadable Home education resources helping you teach confidently at home

Online science lessons for primary school aged home educating children

Home education is a legal alternative
to school education in Australia.
State and Territory governments are responsible
for regulating home education and have different
requirements, however home educating families
are able to develop curriculum and learning programs
to suit the individual needs of their children.

animated Australian flag

Without revenue from advertising
by educational suppliers and Google Ads
we could not continue to provide information
to home educators. Please support us by letting
our advertisers know that you found them on
The Educating Parent. Thanks!

Support Centre
Contact Us | Join a Support Group | Beverley's Books | Resource Directory | Blog | Donate

About The Educating Parent
Beverley Paine | April Jermey and Always Learning Books | Advertise with us

Sitemap

What is Home Education Why Home Educate Getting Started & Registering Different Ways to Home Educate
Life as a Home Educator Resources & Support Teens and Beyond Curriculum and Teaching Tips
Unschooling & Natural Learning Travelling & Home Educating Record Keeping Children's Pages

animated smiling face Thank you for visiting!

The opinions and articles included on this website are not necessarily those of Beverley Paine, The Educating Parent, nor do they endorse or recommend products listed in contributed articles, pages, or advertisements on pages within this website.
Disclosure: Affiliate links are used on this site that take you to products or services outside of this site.  Please review products and services completely prior to purchasing through these links. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer, provider or party in question before purchasing or signing up. Always Learning Books, April Jermey assume no responsibility for those purchases or returns of products or services as a result of using these affiliate links.

If you have questions, concerns, or suggestions about this site, please feel free to contact us.


Text and images on this site © All Rights Reserved 1999-2024.